No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think my mom watched the whole time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
