How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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