I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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