this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
