Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
