dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
