If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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