About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
