Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
