Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
