can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
