is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
