just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
