you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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