oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
