Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
