Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
