i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
false alarm, still single
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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