She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
