I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
