ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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