Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
