Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
