Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
