we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
