Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
