Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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