i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
