You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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