She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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