I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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