May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
