stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
