Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
