Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
