put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
