i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
