I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
