Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
