That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
