Princesses don't give blow jobs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
