Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
