this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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