the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
