have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
