fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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