you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
