and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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