your thong is hanging out like whoa
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
