batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
