you guys were way drunker than both of me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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