dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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