Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
