Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
