woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
