Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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