Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
