How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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