Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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